4 Tips to Help You Overcome Fear of Commitment
This is fear of commitment and if you have this issue and you are reading this, you are not alone. According to psychcentral, fear of commitment is just a self-protective mechanism, a tough exterior, a mask made for the manliest of men (and lot of ladies too) to hide from and in some case, bury the sensitive, vulnerable side which ultimately must reveal itself in order to fully give and receive love in a way that truly matters.
Fear of commitment also happens within relationships where one or both partners hold back, refuse to give themselves fully, always wearing their protective shields. What a lonely, empty space and and an uncomfortable place to be, I think. Sure, being vulnerable is scary but there is relief in finally letting your guard down.
Sometimes we most fear what we most need - in case it doesn't 'work out'. The irony is that fear of commitment may mask a desperate desire for the intimacy and security that comes from a healthy long-term relationship.
Most times, it could be that the person fears rejection or feels that the consequences of a future relationship breakdown will be crazy knowing the extent of time they have invested in that relationship. Maybe they have experienced feeling trapped in a relationship before or perhaps they have a history of painful breakups, of hurting and being hurt. Or they may have witnessed the rocky relationships of parents and have the 'blueprint' that 'no relationship ever works out'.
But this becomes a problem and will have huge consequences if prolonged and intense enough.
Fear of commitment can have devastating emotional consequences, both for the commitment phobe and the people with whom they get involved. There are dangers involved with not committing, which include the possibility of a lonely life and the throwing away of perfectly good relationships.
Today, we are going to explore exactly what fear of commitment is, why it might have arisen, and, vitally, how to overcome it.
This list is for everyone who has held back whether in a relationship or outside of one and also for those who wants a real, supportive, loving relationship that fosters growth and independence, staying in the present, kindness, safety and peace and ultimately a relationship which really and truly works for you.
1. Stop asking for phone numbers from girls you don’t intend to call.
This is so dishonest. Your self-protective, scared-to-death ego with all its games and masks have got the real you buried so deep under all that muck that if the real thing came and knocked on your door, you’d be too messed up to see it or know it. For everyone else, this means recognizing all the behaviors you do to make yourself feel good in the moment, which really don’t serve you any real purpose in the end, than perhaps breaking a bunch of hearts or making yourself unhappy.
2. Stop lying to yourself.
What are you telling yourself versus what is going on in a deeper level? Do you constantly compare yourself to your friends in relationships and size them up and compare your single life to theirs? What purpose does this serve? Are you building a case? Are you doing this solely to make yourself feel better? What do their relationships mean to you? Everyone’s idea of relationships may be different.
I recognize many people follow the crowd when it comes to monogamous relationships. I tend to feel suffocated by the expectations based on societal assumptions. And while this may work for many other people, it doesn’t work for me, and that is okay. This doesn’t mean you have to disregard relationships all together. Yes, this may mean finding a partner for you is more of a challenge but that is quite a different thing than just saying, “I love being single,” if it’s only half true. Finding the relationships that work for you may just mean recognizing that you can work towards creating what works for you. It doesn’t just happen.
3. Get your self-esteem boost in ways that don’t involve other people’s feelings.
Go to the gym, write a book, join an art class, what are you good at? What do you love to do? Get out there and do it. Whether people accept you or reject you doesn’t change who you are. If what people think about you is something you struggle with, then you a lot less likely to let go. The irony of this is that you are the most critical judge. So judge yourself on the things you do have control of.
This means eating healthy, possibly avoiding alcohol, drugs, caffeine or sugar, getting exercise, getting fresh air, spending time with caring, kind individuals and, most of all, relaxing.
When you meet someone interesting and you are not catering to your ego, your lies, your self protective mechanisms and games of shunning all relationships, when you are working on yourself to get what you need, you will naturally be more relaxed, more creative, more of a problem-solver, more at ease and less worried about clinging to your walls. You’re more likely to smile and be yourself.
In conclusion, facing this fear is very necessary. You need to embrace the notion that a lifelong commitment has to be made when there is some degree of uncertainty. If you wait to make a commitment when you are free of doubts, it will never happen. Also remember that life can be more rewarding when you take risks and make a commitment to a partner who seems to be a good match for you.
Take your time dating someone and make sure you’ve known them very well, make sure that you have common values with individuals you date. Lastly, learn to trust your judgment and be consistent with your commitment.
We wish you all the best.
Do you have an article (relationship, romance, sex tips, break ups, love stories) that you would like to share or a disturbing relationship issue you would love the community to help you out on, kindly send them to daloverslounge@gmail.com. Send us your name, a little bit something about you, and if possible a picture of you so we can give you some credit. (Note that this is not a must, you can decide to remain anonymous if you wish).
Post a Comment