The Dos and Don'ts of Texting Your Ex

Days, months, or even years after breaking up, most former couples face another dreaded decision: whether or not to get back in touch. While some women feel that cutting all communication is the way to go, others remain on cordial enough terms for the occasional text (or, in some instances, the occasional sext). If you find yourself in the latter categories, take it from some ex-texting veterans: You'll need to heed a few precautions to avoid misunderstandings. Follow these guidelines to keep things drama-free.


DON'T assume that his interest is purely platonic.
"An ex texted that he wanted to meet up for coffee or a drink before I moved away. I thought it was platonic until he sent me a shirtless bathroom mirror body shot of his muscular torso. I told him that was inappropriate. He replied, guilty as charged.' I think I've finally learned that the whole staying friends' thing is a very, very rare situation." —Hannah, 24
DON'T text an ex who's heartbroken over you. "If you know you have no interest in being with him or her again, it's best to avoid initiating contact. It just makes him think there's a chance and makes it harder to get over the relationship." —Meghan, 32
DO avoid asking for favors. "One ex texted me after a few months and was like, Hey! I miss you! Want to watch my dog for a week?' After you break up, you're not entitled to the favors you did for each other when you were together." —Jamie, 36





DO make your intentions clear before you make plans. "I texted an ex when my new boyfriend dumped me back in college. The ex came over to help me through it but thought that meant we were getting back together. We occasionally talk now as friends, but at the time, neither of us was ready for it. He was still not seeing anyone else, and I should have turned to other friends first. The way I did things led to both of us getting a lot more emotionally torn up than if I'd just kept my distance and maintained the boundaries I'd tried to set months before when I ended that relationship." —Kirstin, 24
DON'T get sucked into emotional discussions about your relationship. "After a few months, my ex left me a drunken voice mail asking why we didn't talk as much anymore. A weekend of texting back and forth ensued, in which he urged me to be honest about why we didn't stay friends. He said he really wanted my honesty.' When I told him the truth, he flew off the handle and declared me an enemy. I was initially sad about [not speaking anymore], but I realized quite quickly that it felt a lot better." —Rachel, 23
By Suzannah Weiss